Breakfast next morning was the usual buffet
hotel style and we were back in the shuttle to go back to the airport. A Frenchman shared the shuttle with us and
after both realizing we were both flying Thai airways he asked if we were
flying to Paris. However, Ole’ Sparkie
thought he said Perth and she wound up into a story about Perth. I was slightly
amused and let her fly until the Frenchman said something weird to her and I
had to point out that he said Paris and not Perth, and by the time the exchange
was over we were back at the airport.
We only stayed a matter of hours in Bangkok so it was like we never
left.
I have always had terrible trouble with
static electricity when I’m either at an airport or on a plane, my hair becomes
some wild beast with a mind of an electronic alien. Up until now, I never knew
it could affect someone so drastically.
Sparkie has a very LOW pain threshold, so a static zap to her is like
she’s been stabbed! I’m not kidding she’s terrible, it was bad enough getting
her through her needles and boosters for this trip at the travel doctor last
week. We were walking around the airport
shopping for random toiletries and a Sasquatch size pair of thongs (size 42 –
43). You CANNOT buy thongs full stop at
the Bangers international airport, but we had fun trying. Anyway, walking around the airport was an
electrical experience. The moment I came
even remotely close to Tanya I’d zap her, most of the time I was completely
unaware until Tanya would BLOW UP. After
about fifteen minutes of this going on if I even went within a meter and a half
of her she’d cower and recoil like a frightened little child about to be stolen
from her mother. The look on her face
was like I was a complete stranger to her.
There was one point I deliberately earthed myself on the metal stud on
her jeans and she TOTALLY lost her shit.
I had to promise to earth myself elsewhere before ANY contact was made
from then on.
It was a short flight and we arrived in
Hanoi the Capital of Vietnam. The
migration through immigration was uneventful but I swear the immigration staff
were all drones. OR potentially
chemically controlled via high doses anti-emotiveness. They moved slowly and deliberately and
without ANY facial expression, must have been drones! It was so quiet when we arrived that I was
surprised when the place came to life when two airline staff openly had a
yelling match across a counter. I dunno
what it was about but you could sense “bitch” in the air. It was over after one walked off around the
corner… and everything went back to quiet.
The Taxi into Hanoi was 340,000 Dong which
equated to about $26.15AUD. The ride in
was uneventful until we turned off the main drag and into the push and shove
and commotion of Hanoi’s old quarter. I
still can’t believe how the driver negotiated his way around the small streets
surrounded by mopeds, bikes, vendors, flowers, food, clothes, you name it you’d
probably find it here. After about
40minutes we arrived at the Tirant Hotel and stepped out into the heat and craziness
and we were immediately hit up by an old woman trying to sell what appeared to
be pastries to us.
Tanya had to insist again that she indeed
wanted one bed in the room and she scored another upgrade. I have only been upgraded once in my entire
life and now I’m two from two in two different cities this trip, what the
actual hell!
We literally hit the ground running in
Hanoi, at the time we thought we only had the one day in Hanoi to have a look
about, that changed though. We headed
for the lake along some streets that didn’t make much sense and went off in
completely different directions with twists and turns, no grid pattern over
here people! Our first Vietnam purchase
was two cans of coke. There is a Coca-Cola promotion over here at the moment and
there are smiley faces on the cans with a couple of words underneath it. Under on of the smiles was the words “Cam’
On” or pronounced “Carm earn” which means thank you. The guy that sold it to us was happy to teach
us in his broken English. The pronunciation
of thank you has changed about a dozen times since that first encounter but the
guy was very happy to help so Tanya asked about the words under the other smiley
face on the other can which were “Ha Ha”, which I thought were the literal
meaning and the guy echoed back “ha ha” and let fly with a big smile. At
which point Tanya realized what she’d asked.
Straight after the lake we had to re-learn
how to cross the road. The short version
on ‘how too’ is point your feet in the direction you want to walk to and
pray. What you should also know is once
you find your direct heading DO NOT ALTER, HESITATE, OR FLINCH! Make your way
with deliberate movements and only slow a step slightly for the ease of the
weaving mopeds around you. Watch a local
first to get the style and purpose you must show in crossing the road. ALWAYS give way to cars and trucks. After our lesson we found a little place that
was in the lonely planet for lunch. The place was called “Pho Thin”. It was a dodgy looking alley with an old
brick space out that was obviously the kitchen.
We were ushered out the back by the pointing of hands and handed a menu
card. We were pretty confident we
ordered beef noodle soup and that was exactly what came back. Winner winner chicken dinner! It was a
massive bowl of water broth, chives, coriander, boiled beef and rice
noodles. It came with a piece of lime to
squeeze into it and there was a very large tub of what looked like a Cajun
paste or some sort. Tan smelt it and it could easily have passed as cap
spray. Lunch was done for 50,000 dong
each or about $3.80AUD.
We were off on a Cyclo ride around the lake
to the old Hanoi Prison. It was sort of
interesting but full of propaganda about American POW’s, their claims of how
many American pilots had been captured and the Vietnam War in general. The rest of the afternoon was like our own
walking tour of Hanoi but it was kind of by accident. We rocked up to the Military Museum in time
for the rain and then we found the Hoi Chi Minh Mausoleum. At the Mausoleum we both got a weird feeling
that something wasn’t quite right. There
was a guard losing it at a kid that stepped over a yellow line along the
footpath, so we didn’t’ hang around long, we ended up finding ice-cream instead
and walked some more.
On our travels ‘Tour Guide Tanya’ pointed
out the Citadel three times in three different locations until I asked how many
were there, her response, “Only one”. I
tell ya, Ya gotta watch these travel industry guru’s, they’ll tell you
anything.
Found the entrance to the Palace but it was
going to take a lot longer than one hour to get through so we cut our losses
and left it for another trip. We were
pretty foot sore by this time so we headed back towards the old quarter and
home. I thought I found a ‘short cut’
only it ended up the ‘long cut’. We went
down a street only to get bailed up by a soldier who directed us to the other
side of the street. We did as we were
told, given that his mate had a very large rifle. The entire block had been cut off by a clear
military presence. We asked a guide a
few days later what a similar set of building were and all we were told was
that they were ‘government buildings’.
They are all painted yellow with white trimmings. We ended up doubling back over to the
Military Museum, by this stage we were foot sore and hungry!
I saw a little café across the road from
where we were, that looked like they had fresh bread rolls. After another hairy road crossing we found
ourselves inside and ordering what we thought was chicken. We sat down and asked for a couple of
cokes. It was around this point that we
both turned into children!!!! I had
commented about ten minutes before hand about seeing a dog turd on the footpath
but we hadn't actually seen any dogs. The conversation lead into crap about I hope
we didn't order dog and the like. The
guy that led us inside went and got a large crystal bowl out of the
fridge. I looked at the colour of the
meat and had a raised eye-brow moment.
It was grey in colour and a bit funky looking. The lady in the café said something to him
and he put it back and came over to us and showed us the card again and
explained ‘roast chicken’ or ‘chicken’.
I was more than happy to opt for the ‘roast chicken’, it was in the hot
box out the front, but Sparkie’s theory on this one was that the grey substance
in the fridge had been refrigerated and hence not so likely to make us sick….
So we stuck with what the original option was and the grey meat concoction came
out of the fridge again.
After a very short time two bread rolls
came out to us that looked ok. There was
the grey meat concoction and some Viet salad stuff with cucumber and maybe
green mango. I bit into it and oh .. my…
god… it was the freshest lightest bread roll I've tasted in a very long
while. A few complimentary comments were
thrown around the bread and then silence hit the table as we hit the grey meat. I was trying to chew threw what felt like a
rubber band. And you just couldn't! It was near impossible to break any of it
down. On the other side of the table Sparkie was having the same trouble but
managed to swallow her meat out of politeness.
There was no way I was going to swallow it so I snatched it out of my
mouth and dumped it on the plate. And
the laughing, giggling school girls started!
In between bursts I managed to say, “Well if that dog, that has left his
legacy down the street ended up here, it must have been his last will and
testament”! The giggle continued Sparkie
would look at me, we’d gain control, I’d look at her we’d go again, and back
and forth we went. We didn’t identify
the offending grey meat concoction until a few days later but that is an entirely
different story.
We headed home after that and freshened up
for a bit before heading down the street to “Quan Bia Minah”. We sat upstairs
on the balcony and watched the streets of Hanoi go past. And by Christ it was a busy street. We were perplexed at the two old ladies
across the street who were continually moving mopeds from one position to
another. It was fascinating to watch. At
one point the main old girl yanked a white moped off its stand and pushed it
out onto the street and let fly with “beep-beep-beep” from her lungs. It was
hilarious. By the end of dinner the only
logical business she could have been running was valet parking for mopeds.
After dinner we did a little bit of
shopping around the markets again for thongs – still none about for Sparkies
big feet. We got home to pack for the ‘one night’ trip on the Treasure Junk and
organize our big packs to go into stowage at the hotel. Then
it was down for the count in the GIGANTIC bed.
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